Ode to Petty Officer Save-a-Hoe

I hate my job. I despise my job. I hate everything this place stands for!

I work in call center, which feels the need to have top flight security of the world. They honestly treat my job as if it is the Pentagon. We are required to wear our badge and have them visible at all times. If my badge is not visible at all, Petty Officer Save-a-Hoe will come find me and stand there until I put my badge on. Obviously he knows me, and it's obvious that he knows for a fact I work there. I mean why else would I wake up at 5:30am, get dressed, and make sure I'm in that building at the same time everyday???

Yesterday when returning my lunch, I forgot to clip my badge back on. I wasn't in the building for 2 whole minutes before Petty Officer was standing over me and breathing down my back.

So on my next break I decided to wave my badge in front of the security came...mind you, my badge was clipped to my sweater. Within 2 minutes he sent me an email saying I treat the policy like a joke, and that my badge was in my hand and not on my clothing in a conspicuous manner. He said he even had it on video.

*sigh* my manager watched the video and said that I had my badge covered with a piece of paper. So which was it??? Was it in my hand or covered with paper??

Regardless, this is stupid and unnecessary. He sent the emails to my manager and supervisor. I was told by my supervisor if I could not comply, then maybe this place is not for me.......well Dueces bitches.

(i hated this job anyways)

 http://www.google.com/url?q=http://www.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3D9RUSRxTpI80&sa=U&ei=27pOTqyEL-yHsAKLkIX2Bg&ved=0CBYQtwIwAA&usg=AFQjCNFe5zhsDRwc2z3AdUsfU3vDgnWJdQ

How to irritate me #485

You know what really pisses me off???

When an instruction is given (by either a teacher, educator, supervisor, etc...), and IMMEDIATELY after someone asks, "What are we supposed to be doin'?"

I know this may happen occasionally, but all the time is just unacceptable.
You need to pay attention and not rely on others to be a damn parrot for you!

When someone is telling you something, STOP whatever you are doing and just listen. It's not utterly difficult and it's probably something in important.

And if you still missed the info, then asked whoever gave the instructions and don't waste my time!

-Management

Y'all Mothers Did Not Raise Y'all Right

Now, I have to school y'all on beauty and makeup; because apparently your mother neglected you and left you to fend for yourself out here in these mean streets. I've just been noticing a lot of fuckery and feel the need to address it.

• Stop applying your make-up with the sponge applicators. The colors don't blend, they just sit right next to each other.
• EVERYONE can't wear EVERYTHING. Even though that lipstick is a pretty color, it doesn't mean that it looks good on you.
• Lip liner and clear lip gloss...if you see no problem with this, your friends are not your friends.
• Sadly, I have to reitterate, drawn on eyebrows. First, if they need to be filled in try using eyeshadow. If you use a pencil to fill them in, don't use liquid liner (why are your eyebrows glistening under the lights?) Follow the NATURAL shape of your brows, not just where you want them to be. Overdone eyebrows makes you look like a man impersonating a woman.
• Also, when "doing" your eyebrows, do not use BLACK! I don't care if your hair is black, never go darker than a dark brown.
• *sigh* Using just white/silver eye liner on your liner, and calling it a day. Not okay.
• *double sigh* That same white line under your eyebrow. Yes your eyebrows stand out, just not in a good way.
• Why are you ladies wearing lipstick without a matching lipliner? You look like when a white woman has lip injection. Actually, it's worse than that. You look that you're in blackface, like those old coonish cartoons.
• Foundation not matching your neck is never acceptable. Shit, foundation not matching your own face is never acceptable. Never!
• Chipped nail polish....no,no,no
• Now me even having to mention chipped toe nail polish just says something about today's society. I know for a fact that toenail polish lasts a LONG time. WEEKS! So why are you that lazy to change/remove your polish? Why must your feet looked like they have fought countless battles?
• I have always been disgusted when girls have a long big, toenail. But it is 2011 now. Count that shit off, and apologize to the little Asian woman who has been putting up with that bullshit for decades now.

Trash it, Don't Stash it!

So basically there has been a LOT of fashion no-no's this season.
Here is a list that will  be continually updated what not to wear.... ahem (you're welcome, in advance):

• PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE STOP IT with the knock off Coach, Gucci, Louis Vuitton bags. Babygirl you're not fooling anyone with those "G's" on your "Coach" bag. Here's a tip, go to your nearest Coach outlet and buy one nice bag. Buy black,brown, or a neutral color.
• Throw away those white leggings. They are NEVER okay.
• Speaking of leggings, do not wear them under blue jean mini-skirts.
• Do not wear blue jean mini skirts.
• I should not be able to see the outline of your crotch (camel-toe) through your leggings.
• You are not a celebrity. You will never be one if you keep it up with those Barbie chains and Nicki Minaj inspired wigs.
• Gladiator sandals (shaking my head).
• Sandals without a pedicure (I shouldn't even have to bring this up to you "ladies".
• Those half jackets that just cover your boobs. What's the f**kin purpose of that? Seriously...come on...
• Heels/wedges with maxi dresses. You look like a tall ass midget. I know that's an oxymoron, but that's what you look like. Only REALLY short people can pull this off.
• Colored weave....no questions asked.
• Long nails with fireworks designs.
• If your over the age of 15, shirts with sooo much glitter on them. NO!
• Those shirts that say Baby Girl. You are not a baby anymore.
• Baby Phat.
• Coogi.
• Southpole.
• Red lipstick that does not flatter your skin tone. 
• White undergarments under white clothes. If your mother has not taught you this, then she failed as a parent. (Cough cough to my own mother).
• Body spray. You smell like rubbing alcohol.
• Lacefronts/Lace wigs. You are not fooling anyone. No, that doll hair does not look like it's growing out of your scalp. No, you were not born with a hairline like a Cabbage Patch Kid. Yes, your wig does look like a mink hat.
• Drawn on eyebrows. *sigh*
• I know it's too late to do anything about it now, but that tattoo across your chest (you know, the one right above your breasts but right below your collarbone. Yeah, that one) means that you will never ever be made love to for the rest of your life. You will only be skeeted on from now on. Please wear turtle necks from here on out, boo.
• Turtle necks. Hopefully no one still wears these in the new millenium, but if you do, I will assume you're desperately trying to reconcile the poor choice you made in tattoo placement.
• Gym shoes/Tennis shoes. Boo, if you are a grown woman and are not at the gym, nor playing tennis, why are you wearing sneakers? Who are you sneaking up on? Certainly not fashion.
• Boot cut jeans. Nobody does that anymore. This is 2011. The rest of us moved on several years ago.
• A wrap. I know this has been a staple in the Black community for many many years, but honestly, it was only fly in the 90s. Today, if every hair on your head is leaning/swirling/curving towards the same direction, and the wind is not blowing, you look so soulful. Free tip: loose bun, loose ponytail, or pincurl at night.
• Purses. Real women carry bags. If you're rocking a 5"x5" purse with a strap long enough to sit on your shoulder and hang across your chest and rest on your opposite hip, you need a prayer partner and a subscription to Vogue. Get your life together.
• If you're wearing see through clothes at the club (such as mesh or lace), exposing your undergarments and/or body parts, and everything is super short and yeast infection tight, I pretty much hate you and everything you stand for. You are not getting attention because you are the baddest bitch in the club, you are getting attention because you are the craziest bitch there, and all the dudes are in your face because they've all pictured you with their balls on your chin. You lose at life.
• For the fellas: if you are dressed as if there is rap video being filmed (whether you are at the club, the mall, the grocery store, or wherever your little life has taken you for the day), meaning your hat, t-shirt (smh), and jeans all look like they would fit a person 3 times your size, I am not checking for you. Please refrain from checking for me as well.

She's HOT, You're NOT.

So basically, there is a young lady I know that is KILLING you hoes. (And by young I mean she's six years old.) Her outfits stay fly, her pedi and mani are always on point, her shoe game is lethal, and her sense of style is already leaps and bounds above many adults. ****Besides that, she can read and write and has been using correct grammar and sentence structure since she could talk and her vocabulary slays most adults (which is so sad for those adults).****

The real moral of this post is please step your game up. And here's a free fashion tip! Kill your Coogi dress. It is stupid and it makes you look really lame.

Fahrenheit 451

I'm currently reading this book and fell in love with this quote:

The folly of mistaking a paradox for a discovery, a metaphor for a proof, a torrent of verbiage for a spring of capital truths, and oneself for an oracle, is inborn in us.

Paul Valery, 1895 French critic & poet (1871 - 1945)

Beyonce or Nicki Minaj

Unfortunately, Amy Winehouse's time was cut too short last month. Over the weekend I decided to listen to her album Back to Black and absolutely LOVED it!!! I know I'm late, but hey at least I'm better than my daughter; she said she only likes to listen to Beyonce or Nicki Minaj.

I'm definitely believe that I am open to most kinds of music, but there's so many artists out there to take a listen to.

My favorite Amy Winehouse song (so far), Some Unholy War.

Now playing Frank...so far, so great!